Today consisted of mustering up the courage to finally get to conversing with my best bud again today. I wrote him a note wishing him the best as I knew he had been going through a tough time beforehand. Church came, and I was instantly changed. I felt God telling me to do something different tonight and to not just do the same thing I do every Epic service. I did try something new, I worshiped him, and I enjoyed it. I listened to my youth pastor as he gave me new knowledge on how to truly worship God. How my mind's been changed by God!
But alas, soon after church, I learn one thing for the worst. When my best bud and I did our usual talk we do every Wednesday night, something was extremely different tonight. Most of the time, it's the only time we ever get to talk, and I try to make the most out of that time we share. But tonight when I looked into his eyes, this deep feeling like being stabbed in the heart by a steel blade tried to take hold of me, and my legs started shaking horribly. I could actually feel the hurt and suffering my best bud was experiencing, and I felt this overwhelming desire to help him and comfort and pray for him.
He denied my help again and again, but I kept trying every time he tried to shove me away and move on. He could've walked away to his car, but he listened and I was determined to keep trying. He insisted on toughing it out alone and having a strong tough resistance to help. I felt God pulling on my heart telling me, "Go. Embrace him right now. He needs comfort and I know how deeply you care for him and how much he means to you. Grab hold of his shoulders and I will help him." It kept growing stronger and stronger and I almost did, but I made the decision not to go through with it. How I regret it. We said our farewells and I felt the need to hold on just a little longer and not let go. But even as our farewell slowed more and more I felt my heart break and I started bawling as he drove off. I sat down in the grass and I cried out to God, tears coming to my eyes, begging for Him to help my best bud because of how desperate I felt. I know God listened because I kept praying so hard and I knew He was listening. Even now as I write this, I still feel the hurt and suffering course through my body as if they were my own burden and feeling. Oh God, help him.
I recalled this verse when thinking of which verse to lead my day toward a better day; before this event occurred. "Trust in God with all your heart; do not lean on your own understanding."-Proverbs 3:5. God's everlasting love for us is something we can never comprehend and He loves us too much to let us suffer for long. Sometimes we must be patient and trust in God with all our heart and every fiber of our being and our soul. This verse still applies to me as I still feel my desperate need to help my friend. While I still have the determination to help him, all I can do is trust in God and wait for Him to take care of my beloved best bud.
I realize this entire post is all about my best bud and how much I wish to help him through this suffering. It's the main thought on my mind right now, and to my understanding a blog is to help voice your thoughts. All I can think right now is God be with him and help him. My best bud needs him so badly, and no matter what I do, I can't help him like God does. I will continue trying. No matter what, I will never give up hope. I will not lose faith in God.
Thank You God.
No comments:
Post a Comment